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LivingBattleground
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Name: Rie
Gender: Female
Interests: things that move REALLY fast (mostly cars, motorcycles and rollarcoasters, drag races... which is still cars, only sometimes with jet engines!), Russia, Music, Mountains, keys, ThunderStorms (the louder the better... this one time in Russia.....)
Above all I am interested in any matter of the Kingdom
Expertise: procrastinating, sarcasm, wit, and i would have to say charm (can I be an expert at charm?)
Occupation: Research and development
Industry: Medical
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
8/15/2004
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| I make myself stick around. I force myself in. Why?
I'm afraid, deep down, that if I disappeared you wouldn't notice.
I'd rather have that suspicion then find out for sure. So I don't want to disappear. But you won't make the effort, so all the effort is mine... and it's exhausting. Then I wonder if I'm just here at all because I'm convenient. No one should be left wondering that.
Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't just be worth knowing so I could move on. Then I think I might end up losing what I value most.... but how valuable it a thing that reciprocates not at all.
I don't trust the ropes to hold me.
I have such a small understanding of my own worth that I crave perpetual affirmation. Like trying to fill a sieve. No wonder you grow weary of me. It must be exhausting to be required to love so much to prove that you love at all.
I struggle with forward motion.
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| But the wisdom that comes from Heaven is firstly pure and full of quiet gentleness. Then it is peace-loving and courteous. It allows discussion and is willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It is whole hearted and sincere and straightforward. James 3:17 (NLT)
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| "You've always punched above your weight class, it's impressive to watch."
I think that is the most amazing compliment I will ever receive in this life time...
It made my day
...and it will get me through tonight.... how I get myself into these situations is totally beyond me. I am busy minding my own business... I couldn't find these kinds of things if I was out looking for them...
Anyway, thank you. You know who you are. <3
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| Have you ever been afraid that things are going to turn out exactly the way you hoped they would?
Have you ever been equally as certain that they wouldn't....
How is that possible?
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| I would not date you in a tree, I would not date you if we ski,
I would not could not if there's pie, I would not could not in the sky....
There is no inspiration for that, it's just a random lyric running through my head tonight. Lots of dating stuff in my life right now: couples all over the place... and each other, random offers from long-ago friends, talk of blind dates....
I'm just following this path, minding my own business. I do a lot of head-shaking these days it seems.
So I am going to go ahead and write my PEBCs at the end of the summer. That means I have to break out my old textbooks and study like a mad women for the month of August at least, although July wouldn't hurt.... I don't even know where to start really.... it worries me.
On the other hand. Look at this. I want to do this. Badly. I can't of course right now (well I could but I would have to be absolutely sure this was something God had set in my path, and it would take a lot of trust. a LOT of trust to quit my job. School. My mind reels), but when I get home if I still want to do this then I am totally going to. What an incredible use of three months.
I feel like I'm starving. I don't know what starving feels like for sure anyway, but this is how I imagine it. Like the point where you would eat anything, or do anything to get something worth eating.... that's how my heart feels. It's gnawing away at nothing... and yet i do nothing. I sit, knowing there is sustenance in the next room, and too lazy or stubborn to getup and get it.
A sluggard puts his hand in the dish, he is too lazy to bring it back to his mouth...
yup, that's me. I rue to admit.
Goodnight
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